London

How I Feel About My Body

Photography by Simon Creasey

Body confidence.  It's a topic hot on everyone's lips these days what with social media being the catalyst of all things both positive and negative on the subject.  I haven't ever shared any views I have about my body with you guys before so I thought I'd just jot down a few rambling thoughts and feelings.

Do I feel confident?  To a degree yes, but to a degree also no.  I suppose it depends on where I am, what I'm doing and who I'm surrounded by.  In a room full of Victoria's Secret models I'd probably be hiding by the buffet, and by hiding I mean stockpiling.   For the most part I'm pretty confident, I'm a UK size 8-10, I fluctuate between those two sizes.  I get asked my diet and gym secrets all the time as you all see what I eat, but I'm sorry to tell you there are none, I've always just had a fast metabolism.  I eat what I like and the only exercise I do is walking the dogs.  Plus I'm pretty cheap when it comes to transport so I barely ever use Uber which involves even more walking.  In Summer believe it or not but I actually eat less burgers and fried chicken, it's just too hot and I enjoy a refreshing salad, and because my metabolism is so fast I tend to lose a bit of weight, even when eating all those chocolate biscuits.  I've always been slim and I've never had to work out to stay that way, however when I hit the 31 mark I did start to notice that I was putting on a little bit of weight and my muscle tone went, I thought my lucky run might be over.  I gained weight on my arms and a bit on my back but no where else, I really wish it would all go to my boobs, I've never been 'blessed' in that area.  I sometimes think that because I have a 'thigh gap' people think I'm 'perfect' (no such thing FYI) but that's not the case.  For example, I have cellulite, I have it on my thighs, my arse and even a bit on my stomach, I have zero abs.  In fact I don't really have much muscle definition anywhere, bar maybe my calves.  This does bother me a little, would I like abs?  Yes I think I would.  Clearly I need to go to the gym (of which I have a membership but haven't been in 9 months) as I've heard you can't just buy abs off ASOS, gutted as I have unlimited next day delivery. 

With social media it's very easy to curate the images we post and we have the luxury of picking the very best out of the bunch, the rest stay well and truly hidden.  I don't use Facetune or photoshop for adjusting my body but I am a fan of a good angle!  I'll post a bikini shot first thing in the morning when my stomach is flat, I'll use a grain over my images both because I like the look and it does have a smoothing effect on skin which is an added bonus.  Some filters can also have the same effect.  Tanning, self or natural, is also a great way to disguise any cellulite and of course the right lighting conditions.  The right lighting can be a saviour, the wrong lighting can make me want to hurl my phone at a wall.  But I just want you all to know, that this goes for most people on Instagram, only posting the best version of themselves.  

I don't follow any 'fitspo' accounts because to be honest their content isn't really my thing, if I see a plate of Kale that's it...put a fork in me, I'm done.  I enjoy food, I love it in fact and so I think fitspo accounts are a bit pointless for me to follow.  I do however follow a few travel bloggers, you know the ones, they're all normally vegans and have insane bodies, yeh those people.  Now, they don't really make me feel bad about myself, I often look at those bodies and think 'WOAH, you look insane' but I know what they do to get those bodies (in terms of diet and fitness), and there sure as hell aren't many burgers involved, so I'm more than happy to not look that way.  If anything they might momentarily spur me on to go to the gym in the morning but by the time 7am rolls around I'm straight into that pack of dark chocolate covered digestives with a cup of tea, dunking not squatting.  

The bottom line is that I'm quite happy as I am, but if I ever feel like I want to improve, which I probably will as I get older or should we ever have children, then I'll start hitting the gym and eating a bit better...but just a bit.  Because it's down to me how I look and how I feel, no one else.  I think it's really important to be happy in your own skin and I know some of you might be thinking 'that's easy for you to say, you eat burgers and fried chicken constantly'.  Well, yes I do, but everyone is different and I've been speaking a lot about comparing ourselves to others recently and the same advice applies to this topic as well.  Don't compare yourself to others, if you want something you don't have, work for it and it will all be worth while.

 

 

Outfit Details

Blazer - H&M (Also similar here and here)

Jeans - Paige (affordable alternative here)

Crop Top - Forever 21

Bag - Loewe

Choker Necklace - Cinco

Middle Necklace - Cinco 

Long Chain - Missoma, worn with this Pendant 

Watch - Cartier

Sunglasses - Ray Ban (Affordable alternatives here and here)

Shoes - ASOS (Old but similar here and here)

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Comments

  1. Lucie
    25th April 2018 / 8:58 am

    Hi Emma,
    I have been following you for a few months now (mainly on YouTube, I have had quite some spare time the past few months and probably watched like 80% of your videos!). I like the fact that you are writing these long posts with your experience and thoughts and today I feel like sharing my own.

    I believe I have the same metabolism as you have and I am probably about the same height as well (1m74, sorry I am French and only know how to use the metric system). And not related but I will be 32 in a couple of months. I almost never exercise, I do not eat a lot of burgers but I eat A LOT and I have always been skinny. People have always told me I was lucky but they also tend to be quite harsh and say I am « too skinny » or « maigrichonne » in French, which I always hated. I have never really felt good in my body. However, as you know, in our society it is not accepted to complain about being skinny. For many people it is hard to understand that it all comes down to how you feel and not your weight. So I often kept to myself the fact that I didn’t love my body and just had to deal with it/live in it. I also tried to gain a few pounds but did not managed to.

    But, TA DA – life changing event (in so many ways)- two months ago, I had a baby girl. It completely changed the way I feel about my body. I gained 17kgs throughout the pregnancy. I didn’t realize I was eating more than before but I probably was… I had a hard time realizing my own skinny and not muscular body was actually hosting and feeding a growing baby. It felt a bit unreal. And even though I had all these pregnancy related troubles you can hear about and felt shitty many times, I also have never felt so good in my own skin. I realize it may sound cheesy… but I feel grateful to my body for making this healthy and beautiful 4,1kg baby girl. Now I do not only see my body for its apperance but also for what it can do without any conciousness.
    Many people are telling me I already lost all the baby weight. Well in fact I have not but I feel better with the few additional pounds… And it gives me a good excuse to buy new clothes!

    I hope you will keep writing long inspiring posts.
    All the best,
    Lucie

    • 25th April 2018 / 10:09 am

      That’s awesome to hear Lucie! Yes of course it’s very frowned up on to complain about being slim but there are lots of us who try to gain weight, I was such a stick in my 20’s and teens and I constantly tried to put on weight but nope, it just wasn’t happening. But I just grew to love my body for what it was/is and I’ll be damned if anyone else tries to make me feel bad about my body or how I eat. Quite frankly I couldn’t give a rats ass any more haha

      Congrats on your baby girl!
      xxx

  2. Rosalie
    25th April 2018 / 9:02 am

    Great post again Emma! I also don’t gain weight that fast, which is a blessing. But because of that my diet is not always that healthy too and I worry sometimes, because an unhealthy diet can cause more problems than weight gain of course. But then I go ahead and stuff my face with candy anyway

    • 25th April 2018 / 10:04 am

      Yeh I’m sure there are lots of overly opinionated people out there who want to criticise my diet for being unhealthy but the truth is, they don’t see all of it, yes I eat more junk than most but you know what I don’t drink and I don’t smoke so I think I’m allowed one vice. I get regular check ups and there’s zero complaints from the doctor. In my opinion life is too short, everything gives you cancer these days “you can’t enjoy the sun” “you can’t eat this, you can’t eat that” “mobil phones are bad for your health” “Deodorant causes cancer” etc etc. So I’m just going to enjoy my food haha 🙂

  3. KATE
    25th April 2018 / 11:27 am

    Hello from Ukraine, Emma!
    I adore your style and your humor. Your accent is perfect fro English learning, so it is 2 in one – language and style tutorial fro me =)
    As for the weight related stuff – it is appropriate for a woman to look after her health in the first turn. It is better for women to be a bit overweight as our hormones are being produced out the real fat. The bigger issue is when you suffer from underweight. So I try to follow this rule and fill perfect and confident in my 10-12 UK size 🙂
    P.S. I always feel touched by the way you comment Simon’s OFTD. The same story with my husband. So I try to do it waggishly as you do to avoid any offences. So thank you for this lesson!

  4. 25th April 2018 / 2:42 pm

    I’m 37 and in my twenties I was always self conscious of my body but after I had my two children, everything changed My body definitely changed from my younger years. To be honest I love my body now more than ever I’m more confident and I think age plays a role too. Btw, Emma you have legs to die for. Just saying Again great post

  5. Cecilia
    25th April 2018 / 4:54 pm

    Another great post Emma! I´ve always wondered how you and Simon keep your figures with your diet! You guys eat a lot! You are a very lucky couple (in so many ways)! I kind of was the same myself, but when I turn 40, my metabolism went to shit. Now I want to lose a few pounds and even eating soup every night wich I detest it is not happening!
    So enjoy your burger and fries while you can! You british people (just watching you makes me think that) eats very much! LOL! XXXXXXX from your number 1 Rio fan!

  6. Sandie
    25th April 2018 / 5:26 pm

    eating packets of chocolate covered digestives with a cuppa is the best brekkie. Even better if you do it whilst watching the biggest loser or some such programme

  7. Gemma
    25th April 2018 / 6:39 pm

    I always think you look great, I love that you want to look good but you don’t deny yourself fun. Eating is one of the most wonderful joys of life. The fact you don’t drink means you’re saving yourself loads of empty calories so more room for biccies!

  8. Rachael
    25th April 2018 / 6:46 pm

    I needed to read a post like this Emma! I used to have a fast metabolism as well. After college, it started to fade away so I started to panic a bit. But reading this helped me realize that I don’t need to look like all the skinny, vegan travel bloggers or the Instagram models, I am perfectly fine looking just like me! 🙂

  9. Emma
    25th April 2018 / 7:12 pm

    All I can say is I am sooo glad social media wasn’t so prevalent when I was growing up. I never even thought about my body and whether is was too skinny/too fat/not the desired shape etc. Recently, I’ve had to try and clean up my diet a bit because unfortunately, the food I used to be able to eat until it was coming out of my earholes, now just makes me feel like poop!! Lethargic, bloated, just generally yucky. You’ve still got a few years to go yet so enjoy it whilst you can!! xx

  10. Lisa
    25th April 2018 / 8:52 pm

    Hi Emma,
    just wanted to let you know that I really really enjoy reading your blog and watching your videos! You and Simon are so refreshing personalities in that whole world of blogging. Usually I am not really into reading blogs, especially fashion blogs. Most of them are to superficial with giving me that feeling just showing that they are able to buy freaking expensive stuff. But you are at the other end of the scale. However your style is more on the higher end you really inspire me. Cause I am just that t-shirt und jeans girl as well.
    Especially your more personal blogposts are really nice to read! And I really like these pictures. Simon does a really nice job.

    On other note, I always wondered how someone can be in this shape with eating that much KFC ( I am sorry :D) You look great!
    I love going to the gym first thing in the morning! It is so nice to come home after a 6:30 crossfit class, lifting some heavy shit and knowing that no one can stopp me for the rest of the day! 😀 You should try it.

    Lots of Love from Germany,
    Lisa xx

  11. Melissa
    26th April 2018 / 12:04 am

    Hi Emma,

    I just wanted to say how inspiring you are. Everything thing you’ve been posting, from your blogger regrets, to wanting to be a better person, to not attending fashion shows, have been so on the mark. I had a blog about five years ago and it was actually going fairly well, but I stopped doing it. I just felt that I couldn’t keep with the “image” that was expected. I couldn’t compare to those who were so grand in everything they did. It just didn’t feel authentic to me, so I stopped blogging. This is a regret that I have, because I wasn’t brave enough to be honest. Which is why I admire your courage to be your most authentic self.

    Thank you for being you.

    Also, I find your interaction with Simon to be hysterical. I am the same way with my husband and people sometimes just don’t get it. They think we hate each other, when in all actuality we just like to bust each others balls. Haha!

    With love from Jersey (US),

    Melissa
    @melissa.arl

  12. Jenny
    26th April 2018 / 1:46 am

    I remember when I had a fast matabolism, too, but now that I’m well into my 30s, the party’s over. You can buy abs, but the price is eating right (no burgers and fried foods), and targeted exercise.

    • 26th April 2018 / 4:55 pm

      Not quite the same as ‘next day delivery’ though haha.

  13. 29th April 2018 / 1:15 am

    I’ve been struggling with my body image for quite a while now. I used to be able to eat whatever, whenever and stay slim but when I hit twenty that changed and now I have the dreaded back fat that reminds of all my nights of eating Chinese food right before bed. It’s so hard to try to love my body the way it looks now while also working out and eating healthy to try to get back to my ideal size. And instagram definitely doesn’t help lol. I’m still on this journey, and I hope I can find a healthy balance for me. http://www.theexpatmannequin.com

  14. Dawn
    29th April 2018 / 7:20 pm

    This post made me smile, as I was exactly the same – I could eat anything, do no exercise and stayed a size 8 …. until I hit 45! Whilst my heart still says chocolate and wine, my jeans say for the love of God woman, eat a salad! I had a good run, so my advice is just enjoy the goods things in life, and don’t worry. And when it’s starts to go downhill, just remember that the more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap … stay safe and eat cake. x
    PS. Cartier watch??!!! When did this happen and how did I miss it????!!!

  15. Danish Pastry
    30th April 2018 / 5:30 pm

    The truth og the matter is that few of us are happy with our bodies all of the time. I used to be quite skinny, a petite size 8, and in my teens I could eat exactly what I wanted. Even my own sister criticised the fact that I was skinny (her weight has always yo-yoed), I have never returned the criticism even though it would have been easy when she was a size 16, and accused me of being anorexic just because I lose my appetite in hot weather (we were in Greece and it was 35°C).
    Slowly I my late 20’s and 30’s I put on a bit of weight, so I’m a size 10-12 now. I’m not bothered that I’m a short arse with big boobs (I do have longish legs in relation to my height, so that helps), but I do have issues with my stomach and thighs, that’s where I store my fat! But with the right outfit (and occasional shapewear) I can play to my strengths and emphasise my almost hourglass figure.

  16. 5th May 2018 / 10:38 pm

    Yes! I’m living for this post! I love following you on your blog and youtube because you are so ‘real’ on your platforms. It’s great that you accept your body for what it is- it’s giving me the confidence to do the same!

    http://champagne-lifestyle.com

  17. 6th May 2018 / 11:00 pm

    Wahou, that outfit is just stunning ! You are stunning and i love the fact you’re genuine, and you show that you can be happy without the need to go to the gym all the time ! I personnally don’t really like food, i mean, i’ve always had a poor appetite so i’ve always been slim, doesn’t matter what i eat, so i can’t say i can complain, but i’m annoyed by people who think i am perfect, bec i’m not, i have a bit of cellulite, my “boobs” are falling and i have a bit of fat on my belly area bec i don’t workout, and i pretty don’t care, bcause i don’t want to be perfect, and if i want to eat at Burger King, i will do haha (with my little appetite and my lack of joy of eating)

    http://paulynagore.blogspot.fr/

  18. 7th May 2018 / 7:01 am

    Thank you for sharing, Emma! You are tiny, as you are tall and being a size 8-10 on your height is amazing! I’d always been thin all my life but sadly, always thought I was “fat”. A product of my mother and friends in my adolescence. I had always been a size 2 or 4 (which I think the equivalent would be a size 6 or 8 in the UK) and 5’3”. I’ve always been naturally muscular, which I hated when I was young, but now I absolutely love and think is my only saving grace to keep any sort of shape because I have gained an enormous amount of weight since my 30s. The sad part, and why I’m writing all of this detail, is that I was very petite and fit growing up and not for one second did I feel happy with myself. Looking back now that I am about 4 sizes bigger, I can’t help but feel that I wasted so much time not enjoying how I looked and felt when I was so small. I have been obsessively worried about my weight all my life and what a waste of negative energy! I now panic every time I try to do a shoot for my blog and never post anything because I’m always unhappy with the way I look in the pictures. I recently met my very first blogger friend here in LA. She seriously changed my life. She expressed to me how I’m not Plus sized, I am the average woman and that People probably relate more to me than her because she is tall and slim. For some reason coming from a peer, this totally changed my views on myself instantly. I realized how awful I’ve been to myself and others because I’m not that perfect size. Hearing from her the same that my friends have told me that, people don’t care how you look, they just want to be inspired by your creativity and outfits turned on a switch in my brain immediately. Again, I think it is because I came from a peer in the industry, and made me realize that all I think about is what other bloggers might be thinking of me: “this blogger wannabe girl is fat and who is she fooling thinking she can make it with her unflattering figure – she can’t pull these outfits off”. It is all in my head and I’m ashamed not only for being so vain, but also judging others fornthe same thing – psychology 101: projecting my insecurities on to others. I am so grateful for her and her honesty and it immediately changed my life. So much so, that when I came home and said “I don’t care what I look like, im done wasting all this negative energy”, I literally lost 3 pounds in just one week because I wasn’t obsessing about food and what to eat and when and how often” (those scientists are right, when you stress about weight you up more on – do figure.). I am now shocked at how suddenly I changed my thought process and how much happier I feel. My boyfriend even noticed! All this said, I do want to be healthy for medical reasons and I want to still be slimmer because I am old and it’s taking it’s toll on my body. But it is no longer something I’m stressinb about and it feels great. I think it is very important and responsible for me not to go overboard and eat anything I want just because I feel good in my own skin. But I think that having a healthy sense of self is going to definitely help me get to a healthy weight. OMG, I’ve written another novella on your comments section (lol). I love that you’re so honest and relatable and I absolutely love reading your blog because of this. PS – the one thing I miss the most is having a tiny chest – which I think most people would love to have bigger boobs (lol). I’m the opposite. I always loved being small breasted. These things just get in my way. Haha. So enjoy them – I’m super jealous!!!!

    Xo
    Brenda

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